overthinking really kills

Well,the past few days were horrible for me, starting from the morning of Saturday. We were supposed to log in to our student portal to choose our Cross Disciplinary subjects (CDS)at 10am and at that time the portal was lagging like nobody's business! I waited for almost 45mins then i completed my submission. And this led me to be late for my Judo grading! I decided to wait for a cab at the MRT taxi stand and wow! not only was the queue amazingly long, but there is no sign of a cab at all! After almost 30 mins of waiting i had no choice but to dial a cab. I was really on the urge of crying when there is no sign of cab! It was quite lucky that i reached the dojo just in time b4 my grading start. Grading was horrible this time round. My coach assumed that i didn't practice for the grading?! I'm like wts? I practice 2-3 times a week almost 8 hours every week and you say that i didnt practice?! I can only say I am very unlucky to get an incorporative partner. She refused to fall when i applied the throw on her,and this led to coach's assumption being proved 'right'. Coach wanted me to do it in exam format although what i did was right. Sighpie. My friend and I hence were considered pass but we had to have a retest this coming Thursday. I am the kind of person who don't like people to judge me and thus this incident really had a great impact on me. I start to overthink a lot; will people look down on me because of this? Have i led my school team down? Will the beginners of the school team mock me when i retest on Thursday? Will the seniors be embarrassed of me because I 'failed' the grading? These questions race through my mind all day everyday. Having training almost everyday this week is tiring but, i guess it allowed me to transfer all these negative thinkings into energy during training. I am really dreading for the retest on Thursday. But what can i do? Sigh. Apart from all these, here's another problem that's still waiting for me to resolve. After choosing my CDS on saturday, i realised that the vacation CDS that i chose crashed with my first marathon and not only that, my parents even paid for mine. I am really utterly lost for words. What should i tell them? When should I tell them? Csn i refund for the marathon? ARGHHHHH Why is life being so hard T_T Getting all those blue blacks from training, sprained wrist, back ache (I don't know why too) and theres still so many challenges waiting for me to face. I really hope i can just disappear from the world right now. Sigh.

Therapeutic writing?

It's been long since I'm back writing on my blog! Well, I've successfully gotten into my dream course which is psychology! I was elated for a little while but the negative thoughts sets in real fast. As I got in via JPSAE unlike most of them thru JAE, I'm afraid I will not be able to 'fight' with them. But well after one term I think it's more of fight with urself than fighting with others! 

I guess I made right friends in my new sch? Yeap they are awesome! I'm able to be myself comfortably and change my quiet and reserved image! They definitely will make my poly life filled with fun I guess? 

Anyway, a few of them are into therapeutic writing n I researched about it, it seems pretty effective n I'm gonna give it a try for my blog entries since I'm quite a over-thinker! Alright, will update soon! There's many things in my mind that I can't wait to clear them all out 😭